Laila Marie Vickey
Born April 10, 2012
Daughter of Ryan & Samantha Vickery
Baby Vickery
September 21, 2012
Child of Ryan & Samantha Vickery
Our babies names in the Remembrance section of the program
Ryan & I at the Walk to Remember
Our babies were honored today in Terre Haute, Indiana in the annual "'Walk to Remember" organized by Sue Hoopengarner and other staff members and volunteers at Union Hospital. Sue Hoopengarner is ahead of the RTS Bereavement Services at Union Hospital. She helped Ryan and I this past April when we had Laila. She organized a special time where we were able to spend precious moments with our daughter. She took pictures, and made a scrapbook along with other keepsakes we hold so dear today. When I had my latest miscarriage a few weeks ago, she emailed me and talked me through some very tough days. She is an amazing person who does incredible things for bereaved parents and families. I hold her very dear to my heart.
Sue Hoopengarner speaking at the memorial service
Our scenery on our Walk today
Tomorrow at 7 p.m. is when families across America are to light a candle for one hour in honor of their lost babies. Unfortunately, I will be at work. My family will participate though. The goal is to have each time zone light a candle at 7 p.m. their time, so that for one hour their will be one solid light across America. Please, participate if you can! :)
Today we went to honor our special babies.. We started with a walk through Deming Park in Terre Haute. Then we had a memorial service in which poems were read, a mother spoke, and balloons were released. At the end, they spoke every babies name. It was a special day for all of us bereaved parents. A day where we know our babies matter, and we are parents! We all came together and cried, laughed, and shared stories. We learned there is hope! There is a way! And we are NEVER alone! God works miracles, and we all have angels in Heaven, waiting for us. They aren't "gone" they are in a better place!
Ryan, his parents, and Me at the Walk
My mom, me, and my littlest brother Mason
My oldest little brother Kyle, his girlfriend Ashley, my mom, Ryan & I, and Mason
I had a lot of mixed emotions today. I thought being with other parents would make us feel more comfortable and closer in a new family of friends. I thought I would go in there today strong, and happy. Able to get through it without a breakdown because we were honoring our babies. I was wrong. I teared up a few times, which I did expect. But then one mom was brave enough to walk up to that podium in front of all of us and say a very special poem entitled, "What Makes a Mother". That poem is very significant in our family. My oldest little brother Kyle found that poem while planning Laila's funeral with us in April. He gave it to me to put in her casket with her. He gave it to me to remind me no matter what the world says, I am a mother. According to the poem I am the world's best kind of mother because I "set my baby free" to Heaven. I released her into the hands and warmth of God. She will never know pain, she will never know sadness. And she will know the Lord in a way we all can't even imagine until we get there. While this mother was reading this poem, she broke down in tears. But-- she never gave up. She saw it through to the end. She was going to do this for her baby! What a strong woman! What a wonderful mommy! I broke down in tears because I felt her pain. I knew what she was feeling. All of those emotions at once.. all you can do is cry. God bless her!
My Aunt Candy, me, my Maw Maw, Ryan, & my Grandma
Me and My best friend (Babies Aunt May May) Mariellen
Me and Maw Maw
Me and my friend (Babies Aunt Elyse) Elyse
I guess this post is all over the place. I can't even explain how I felt today. I cried, I laughed, I hurt, and I felt happy. It was a hard day and an exhausting day emotionally. I am happy to know that our babies will forever be surrounded by friends. I cried today because although I know they are in a better place, I wanted to know them more! I hurt today because I missed my babies tremendously, and I hurt to see all these other parents, siblings, and grandparents, aunts, and uncles, grieving over their lost babies. I laughed because my family always finds a way to make us laugh when we hurt the most. I laughed seeing other parents enjoy their other children, and I felt hope. No amount of children here on Earth with us will every replace our lost babies. They will grow up knowing they are the younger siblings of their sister and brother/sister. But to see other parents enjoy and laugh with their children today gave Ryan and I hope that one day we will find happiness again with our other children. We don't ever have to forget about our lost babies just because we have more. We will forever have the two children who live in Heaven with God and wait for us when our day comes. We will always include them in everything we do. Thank God for everything we have had, have now, and will have someday. Thank God for hope, faith, love, time, and healing. Thank God we believe!
Ryan, Me, and my littlest brother Mason :)
Thank you for reading.
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